Is parenthood right for you?

It’s simple for some people to answer the question “Is parenthood right for you?” They’ve always wanted to be parents, their lives are set up the way they want them to be, and they’re ready. Others ponder it for years or need to do a lot of back-and-forth before taking the jump. Some people are simply incapable of having children.

You can choose to become a mother or father regardless of where you are on that spectrum. And whether you’re having problems determining whether or not you want to have a child or simply wondering if you’re ready to embark on this lifelong project, we hope this article will assist you in making a decision.

One thing is sure: no one is forced to have children. Other than your own goals and dreams, there’s no compelling reason to have them. It is entirely up to you whether or not to become a parent.

What is it about parenting that is so difficult?

If you don’t have children, you can’t completely appreciate how much pleasure and satisfaction it can be to be a parent. And it’s extremely difficult labour – far more difficult than you can realise until you’ve done it.

What makes being a parent challenging? In a nutshell, this is how it goes:

• Parenthood puts a lot of strain on your time and energy, with little opportunities to relax and recover.
• There is almost never enough time, money, emotional support, training, or preparedness for parents to complete the job they wish to do.
• It forces you to confront your own emotional difficulties as your children eventually press all of your emotions.
• The errors you make as a parent – and you will make some – have an impact on the people you care about the most: your children.

Having a kid is a big life transition, and because women everywhere have the primary duty for child rearing, it is a change that disproportionately affects women’s lives. It entails combining how society treats parents (not favourably) with how society regards women (ditto).

Patty Wipfler, founder of the nonprofit Hand in Hand Parenting in Palo Alto, California, states, “Parenting — the vitally crucial work of nurturing the next generation – is viewed economically almost like a hobby.” “Women already receive insufficient income, support, or respect for their services to society, and having a child compounds that.”

Both parents are more involved today than in past generations in homes with a breadwinner-caregiver split. However, the primary caregiver’s day-to-day housework, meal preparation, emotional counselling, daycare, purchasing, and household minutiae and logistics continue to rest – unpaid – on his or her shoulders.

That isn’t to argue that being a parent is an easy choice for either parent. Any working adult will have to make unsatisfactory compromises between employment and parenthood.

New parents with demanding jobs, as many of us do, are presented with a new feeling of family obligation. Long hours at work can exacerbate the emotional isolation that many people already experience, and many feel upset at not being able to be the kind of parent they desire.

What is it like to be a parent?

It’s difficult to imagine how it would feel to be a mother or father in the actual world. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

• The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life is a book written by psychologist Harriet Lerner.
• Care for a friend’s or relative’s infant overnight to get a firsthand look at parenting.
• Assume you’ve decided to have a child, and then spend a week thinking about how you’d feel and how your life will change as a result. Then pretend you’ve decided against having one and live with it for a week.

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Perhaps you’ve never desired children. Perhaps you have other goals in mind for yourself that caring for children might prevent you from achieving.

Mindy Toomay, a fiction and cookery writer and teacher who is content with her decision not to have children, says, “We are this beautifully creative species.” “However, many people never pursue their artistic or spiritual potential because of family obligations. It felt like a hindrance to me – and it has been for a lot of people I know, especially women.” There have surely been cases where people have became parents and then regretted their decision.

Some people, on the other hand, are astonished at how much they like being a parent. “I did catering in high school to avoid having to babysit,” Sally Webb, a mother of two young sons, explains. “However, I’ve discovered that I adore being a mother.”

The majority of people are raised with the expectation of becoming parents. Your mother, father, friends, place of worship, or even any expectations you may have grown up with have no say in whether or not you have a kid. It’s your life, and you have complete control over it.

Are you ready to have a baby?

If you think you want a child, don’t even think about how you’ll get one, whether naturally, through adoption, or through any other means. Concentrate on your own unique desires.

• Do you spend any time with kids? Do you like it?
• What was your favourite part about being a kid? What didn’t you like about it?
• What aspects of your upbringing did you appreciate? What didn’t go as planned?
• What messages did you receive about what it means to be a parent?
• As you respond to these questions, how do you feel?

See our article on evaluating your readiness for parenthood for more fantastic questions to ask yourself as you make this vital decision.

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