1. Teething

2. Growth spurt

3. Can’t vote

4. Pining for the fjords

5. Can’t walk, blames you

6. Just an asshole

7. Retroactively upset about the “Lost” finale

8. Too hot

9. Too cold

10. Paste! The whole time the necklace was made of PASTE!

11. Time slipping through her fingers too quickly

12. Wants a pacifier

13. Remembered on this day in a past life she lost a pocket watch

14. Overtired

15. Had a premonition of a future where insects are our main protein source

16. Standardized testing

17. Clowns

18. Gas

19. One of those baby illnesses that worries you to death for three days then goes away on its own

20. Bored

21. Resemblance between crib and a jail cell suddenly occurred to her

22. No matter how hard she tries, can’t eat toes

23. Mobile getting too predictable, JUST SAW THAT STAR DAMMIT

24. Wants a new lullaby

25. Can’t get tickets to Hamilton

26. Separation anxiety

27. Batman villains are cooler than Batman himself

28. Global warming

29. Everything is a goddamn remake

30. Joni Mitchell will never be acknowledged for her genius

31. Tag on sleep sack is itchy

32. Needs a diaper change

33. Needs a witness

34. Needs somebody to lean on

35. Wants daddy

36. Re-asserting rightful position as center of the universe

37. Can’t get comfortable

38. Plans for world domination thwarted by inability to read

39. Impatient to have a birthday

40. Thinks she’s singing Puccini right now

41. Ear infection

42. Fuller House

43. Wants a dog

44. Sleeves. Sleeves are the worst.

45. Exercising her vocal cords

46. Knows what you did last summer

47. Wants wheels instead of these useless legs

48. Trying to make you feel guilty, succeeding

49. Knows this night will ultimately be smooshed into a giant brain-pudding of newborn memories and all you’ll remember are the smiling moments in the photos, not the frustration of waiting for a wailing child to finally close her eyes

50. Pooped


  1. What are the main reasons a baby would cry?

    Unexplained Crying: What Causes It?
    – Hungry Baby. The most prevalent reason for a baby’s crying is hunger.
    – Sleepy Baby. The need for sleep is the second reason why newborns scream.
    – We’ve been fed far too much. Overfeeding causes some newborns to cry because their stomachs are swollen.
    – Caffeine.
    – Clothing.
    – Dirty Diaper.
    – Colic.
    – Pain (Serious).

  2. What are the 3 types of baby cries?

    The three types of baby’s cry are:
    – Hunger cry: Newborns need to be fed every couple of hours during their first three months of life.
    – Colic: Approximately one in every five newborns will cry due to colic pain within the first month following delivery.
    – Sleep cry: If your kid is six months old, he or she should be able to fall asleep on his or her own.

  3. Why is my baby screaming for no reason?

    Newborns typically cry for 2 to 3 hours every day. A wailing baby, as common as it may be, can be stressful for both infants and parents. Babies cry for no apparent cause at times. Other times, their tears are attempting to communicate with you.

  4. Can too much crying harm a baby?

    “There is no danger in a baby crying excessively if there are no medical difficulties,”.  “They may have a raspy voice at first, but they will tired out and stop crying.” It’s also possible that your infant will become gassy as a result of swallowing air while crying, although this is normal.